Post by Mr. E. Liturazy on Jan 22, 2011 11:31:06 GMT -5
A piece I wrote a week or so ago. Artist wasn't interested in it. Ending's dumb. Read at your own discretion.
Page 1
Panel 1: Our story opens up with a panel of a Chinese bum, really messy hair, wrapped in a ton of clothing [ref: Brother Sharp meme]. One specific thing that I do suggest you add into his design is a long yellow and black scarf. His hair is long, jet black, messy. I picture him wearing a beanie, as well with his bangs spilling from the hand-knitted headgear. The shot should be somewhat distant, focused on our bum sitting up against the side of a green dumpster, but the shot should also include the length of the alleyway for contrast, maybe.
NARRATION CAPTION: He is but a beggar on these streets. Less than insignificant. As people pass him by they avert their gaze. Sometimes it makes him feel like a void, like he doesn't exist.
NARRATION CAPTION: Every now and then there'll be a nice person who drops a coin in his cup.
NARRATION CAPTION: Every now and then.
Panel 2: Draw in closer to our protagonist's face, he's exhaling and you can see his breath on the winter air. His slanted eyes were barely open.
NARRATION CAPTION: Almost as harsh as the people who refused to acknowledge him was the weather. The cold bit down on him, even with all his layers on he couldn't feel his fingers. He ached at times, other times it felt like his chest was being carved from the inside out with each breath.
NARRATION CAPTION: He found his salvation in what most would call dreams.
NARRATION CAPTION: He calls them memories.
Panel 3: A panel that blends from the contemporary present day to Shangri-La. Shangri-La should be a large golden city, it's structures and architecture should be of Asian influence, predominantly Chinese. While not everything should be gold, gold should have a strong presence in the city, enough to make it look vibrant. On the other end of the panel is a tight shot of our daydreaming protagonist. The city should take up about 3/4 of the panel while the shot of our hero should take up the remaining 1/4 with just an eye that reflects sorrow and regret.
NARRATION CAPTION: A golden kingdom hidden away in a valley that couldn't be reached. A utopia, thriving, untouchable.
NARRATION CAPTION: There was only one documentation of it's existence, in a novel that was written off as mere fiction. In that novel the author referred to this kingdom as Shangri-La.
NARRATION CAPTION: Ever since many spoke of it, usually in the same breath as the works of H.G. Wells or Jules Verne. Brushed aside as mere Science Fiction.
NARRATION CAPTION: But before he can delve too far into his fantasy...the sirens stirred him from his waking dream. It called his attention. He damned it for doing so.
Panel 4: A distant shot of our guy, now on his feet, from behind as he makes his way toward the opening of the alleyway.
NARRATION CAPTION: Restless and weary. His steps staggered, he moves. If only to silence the city's cacophony for but a second.
Page 2
Panel 1: A birds-eye view of the chase scene. Two police cars trailing behind a yellow convertible on an mostly open avenue. Seen at the corner of the panel is our protagonist who is somewhat out of focus, but scaling the top of a building, following the chase.
NARRATION CAPTION: In his imaginary land men did no evil. There was no need for it for there was no such thing as want amongst Shangri-La.
NARRATION CAPTION: Here in this world, though...evil didn't lurk around every corner like they would inform you on those Saturday Morning cartoons. Evil stared you right in the face and smiled. Every day.
NARRATION CAPTION: Most looked the other way, turned a blind eye. Not him, though.
Panel 2: Our protagonist hanging in mid-air as he leaps from one building to the next. The plethora of clothing he has on is caught in the wind and whatnot. He now has a domino mask on, as well. It should look really badass and whatnot. Go crazy.
NARRATION CAPTION: Not him.
Panel 3: Tight on our perp who is pissed he's being tailed so avidly by the cops.
PERP: Bleedin' cops... (bubble should be rippled and small, as should be the text, seeing as how he's grumbling this under his breath)
Panel 4: Our perp pokes his head out the window, pointing a gun at the police trailing after him, letting off a few shots to get them to back off. The angle should be from behind the car, which has the perp shooting toward the viewer but there's still enough slack to see our protagonist in the road up ahead.
SFX: BLAM BLAM BLAM
Panel 5: A frontal shot of our perp back in the car, his eyes wide with surprise as he notices our protagonist standing only moments away from impact.
PERP: Ohshi--!
Panel 6: A small panel of our protagonist staring down the oncoming car with a certainty in his face.
NARRATION CAPTION: He draws a breath. (This caption, if the layout winds up how I think it would, should be laid across Panel 5 and 6, but it's really up to you)
Page 3
Panel 1: Our protagonist delivering a jab of his hand, now in stance. His hand tears through the hood and the panel is showing the car splitting into two equal halves from a high angle.
NARRATION CAPTION: What he deals out from that drawn breath is power itself. With a thrust of his hand he tears into the car's chassis and it splits in two with a seemingly mysterious force. No anger, no rage.
NARRATION CAPTION: Just conviction in his blow.
Panel 2: Our protagonist is now between the two halves of the car, this angle is slightly skewed to the right, showing how he grabs the perp who is still seated in the driver's chair by his arm.
NARRATION CAPTION: Within the same heartbeat he reaches out, clutches an arm.
Panel 3: Over the shoulder of onlookers from the sidewalk as the two halves are now out of view and the perp is grounded with a harsh slam. Amateur footage is being shot and filmed.
NARRATION CAPTION: And before our car booster knew what happened...
ONLOOKERS:
Oh wow.
Did you see that?!
He punched that car in two parts, son!
Whoa!
NARRATION CAPTION: He was flat on his back, staring up, his arm painfully dislocated at the shoulder and his spine bruised having been slammed to the asphalt.
Panel 4: The police officers stepping from the vehicle as our guy is standing straight. I'm not sure if you'd be able to fit in the car's wreckage, but the angle should probably be from over the cop's shoulder.
COP 1: Freeze!
COP 2: Don't move!
Panel 5: We transition to two anchors, the one on the left is a red-head woman (ROBIN) while the one on the right is your usual raven-haired, square-jaw handsome anchor (VICTOR). From here onto the next page the scene will completely change as indicated by the dialogue. In the background of the panel there's amateur photography of our protagonist from the previous panel.
VICTOR: We have peculiar news coming from midtown where we're receiving news that a man supposedly split a speeding vehicle in two.
ROBIN: Truly peculiar news. Authorities refuse to comment, but the same man is believed to have been involved in at least four other incidents and has gained a name for himself as "VESPID", which came from the poet's Bartholomew Yorkes poem of the same based on this very character.
ROBIN: Do you think it's possible it's the same man, Victor?
VICTOR: I'm not sure, Robin. No one can be sure. He evaded Police and is currently at large, one can assume.
Page 4
Panel 1: We've transitioned completely to a soup kitchen. A television with the news is on in the corner and our guy, "VESPID", is watching closely as they report on him while seated at the end of one of the tables, those around him sipping soup yet he had none. The shot isn't that important, feel free to just do whatever with this shot.
NARRATION CAPTION: Hours of wandering led him back here, he always wound up here. While the rest of the city was unforgiving, relentless and cold...there was warmth here. It reminded him of home.
VICTOR: In other peculiar news... (from TV)
Panel 2: A shot of GLORIA, a worker at the soup kitchen, she should have long wavy, dark hair, caramel color skin, of Latina descent. She's standing behind a large pot of soup, serving the homeless men in line.
NARRATION CAPTION: He comes to see her. Gloria. Not out of some sort of longing. She was very attractive, he thought. But much like these four walls filled with men who have nothing and lost everything she reminded him of the selflessness from back home.
NARRATION CAPTION: Her welcoming smile, the way she remembered every one of their names...
NARRATION CAPTION: Primarily because he used the change scrounged up to buy a pack of instant ramen and she would sneak it back into the kitchen and personally prepare it for him.
Panel 3: Focused on a young boy standing next to VESPID. His name is MIGUEL, he's GLORIA'S son. Eight years old, I see him missing one of his front teeth. He has an angered expression on his face, holding VESPID's yellow and black scarf that was still around his neck in one hand and a manga volume of "MIDNIGHT MASK" in the other, holding it up in clear view.
NARRATION CAPTION: He feels a presence at his back, he could feel the malicious intent of the figure nearing. Yet he did nothing...for the presence was familiar.
MIGUEL: Dude! That was so wicked! I saw you on the news--you actually used the mask I gave you and stuff!
NARRATION CAPTION: Miguel, Gloria's son. He often came down to the soup kitchen with his mother, and she urged him not to run among the strangers...but he was an upstart. Boys would be boys.
GLORIA: Miguelito! Leave him alone!
NARRATION CAPTION: Obsessed with his Japanese manga, he gave this stranger his favorite mask away in hopes that he would teach him how to read Japanese. Never suspecting the mask ever being put to use the way it was.
Panel 4: Gloria approaching the two, the view is from over her shoulder, displaying the two gentlemen. VESPID's lips were curled into a smile as he eyeballed the bowl that was out of view (you can probably make it look as if he's oggling Gloria's chest to the reader, that could be funny). Miguel visibly whining about his mother's scorn.
MIGUEL: Moooooooooom. He's the guy on the news! He totally has powers, I know it!
Panel 5: Gloria placing a bowl of ramen in front of him, the shot should be from the side, getting all their faces in frame. Gloria has a switch-face, alternating from angry at her son to smiling at the Vespid.
GLORIA: I told you not to blow your money on things you can't even use! Why would you blow your money on a book you can't read?!
GLORIA: I'm sorry, he has an imagination...well, I'm not sorry that he has one, just that it's as wild as it is.
Page 5
Panel 1: A close shot of Gloria placing her hand to her face.
GLORIA: Sigh.
GLORIA: And I'm actually speaking to you like you can understand me...
NARRATION CAPTION: She's tried since they met to get him to say something, to at least deduce what his nationality is, but he never uttered a word.
NARRATION CAPTION: Every now and then she'd get this weird notion that he could understand, that maybe empathetically he could feel what she meant. She read somewhere that some animals could do that. But...
Panel 3 and 4: A split panel one half showing ancient machines made of gold on the news, seemingly of the same craft as the city of Shangri-La from Vespid's memory/dreams. The other half showing Vespid himself closely observing what's being shown.
NARRATION CAPTION: Even if he could, he was much too busy paying attention on the golden automatons on the screen to be empathic.
Panel 5: Shock as our Mr. Vespid is gone. Gloria is looking to where he was once sitting, Miguel is pointing in the direction of the television.
NARRATION CAPTION: He was much too busy recognizing the automatons on the screen. Supposed ancient machines found on an archaeological dig.
GLORIA: Where'd he go?
MIGUEL: To beat up robots.
Panel 6: Pan back to television which has an old Asian man on the screen. Nicely dressed in a tuxedo and fedora with shades on, the lenses circular and the frames just as golden as the automatons.
NARRATION CAPTION: It wasn't the "ancient machines" that piqued his interest, that got him off his seat. It was the sight of one man, smiling on the screen with his golden-wire frame spectacles.
Page 6
Panel 1: Scene changes to out front of a large expo as the large machines are carted toward the building. Alongside them is the old man that was seen on television.
NARRATION CAPTION: It took all of an hour to follow the trail, to find who he was looking for.
Panel 2: One of their eyes light with a twinkle.
NARRATION CAPTION: It took another thirty minutes to get to the location.
NARRATION CAPTION: And just as he thought, the person he was looking for was very much looking for him, as well.
Panel 3: The sudden appearance of Mr. Vespid standing in front of the much older man, the two stare at one another intensely. There's a crowd in the backdrop clearly amazed by what was transpiring.
NARRATION CAPTION: They speak in a tongue long lost, unrecognizable by all. Today, it would be survived by it's linguistic children...Mandarin and Cantonese.
MR. VESPID: What are you doing here?
OLD MAN: This is what you left home for, child? To wear rags and live among mongrels?
MR. VESPID: If you came to return me...
Panel 4: A shot of the old man laughing from a low angle, one of the large automatons looming behind him with glowing eyes.
OLD MAN: HA!
OLD MAN: You've dishonored me one too many times. Return you?
OLD MAN: Please, I came to rectify a 100 year old mistake.
NARRATION CAPTION: The words sting.
Panel 5: A shot of the robot with it's arm pointed and a jet of flame shooting out. Mr. Vespid is shielding himself with his arms.
NARRATION CAPTION: The flames bite at his flesh. Chaos ensues. Even over the roar of the fire he could hear the crowd's uproar as the supposed ancient machines marched forth.
Page 7
Panel 1: A burning Mr. Vespid leaping from the stream of flames, punching the closest robot as the other two dive at him.
NARRATION CAPTION: As fantastic of a man he was, he was just that...a man.
Panel 2: The second robot punching at Mr. Vespid, Mr. Vespid blocks with his forearm. The flames have died down, but his clothes are heavily damaged.
NARRATION CAPTION: The ancient machines overwhelmed him. Overpowered him with their mechanical muscles. Fists that punched like pistons.
Panel 3: Mr. Vespid is struck by the third robot and is sent flying into the expo center.
NARRATION CAPTION: It hits him like a truck. Even with every bit of training he'd received on taking a hit, even trying to roll with it his whole body screamed out for him not to get back up.
Panel 4: Mr. Vespid standing on the showroom floor of the expo center as the three robots come directly at him.
NARRATION CAPTION: Surrender was not a language he was fluent in, though.
Page 8
No panels: I want an open page, blank background of him going head-up against these robots. Fill the page with as much fighting as possible and try to stick as close to the narration as you can. Other than that, this page is yours to do what you do best. I'm confident it'll look astounding.
NARRATION CAPTION: So he battles. His fists become raw pounding the golden shine of his automaton.
NARRATION CAPTION: His hand plunges into a mass of cogs and gears, snatching beating mechanical hearts from cold shells. No circuitry, nothing electronic. These ancient machines ran on something more mystical.
NARRATION CAPTION: His flesh burned almost as hot as his soul. He roars, rending their alloy plating, tearing through it as if it were paper.
NARRATION CAPTION: He found himself on his knees, surrounded by golden scraps, his hands clutched tight. No matter how much he wanted to unclenched his fist, it stayed balled up.
OLD MAN: And yet you refuse to repent for your dishonor. (off page)
Page 9
Panel 1: A shot close up on Mr. Vespid's face showing the old man at a distance behind him. In his hand is a pistol, golden, of the same design as Shangri-La and the machinations Vespid just took down (probably not visible at this distance). Mr. Vespid's expression is pained, both physically and emotionally, his domino mask should be slightly torn.
MR. VESPID: I am sorry that you feel shame and dishonor. I am not sorry that I've brought you either.
OLD MAN: Oh?
Panel 2: Tight shot of the side of Mr. Vespid's face, the golden pistol pointed at the back of his head.
MR. VESPID: I refuse to apologize for deciding to live life differently than you do.
OLD MAN: And what of leaving your studies and becoming a scholar? Do you apologize for that? Maybe for deflowering the most important young woman in our society? Do you know how much dishonor you've brought down on the House of Luang?!(off panel)
MR. VESPID: How is Su-an?
Panel 3: Low angle of the old man standing over Mr. Vespid. He's furious with Vespid's repartee and demeanor.
OLD MAN: Even now you shame me...
Panel 4: A shot from behind of Vespid with the gun to his head.
MR. VESPID: Forgive me, Father...
Panel 5: Zoom in on Vespid's face, blurred in quick movement.
Page 10
Panel 1: Tight on the gun in both of their grips, Vespid is squeezing his father's hand, causing him pain.
Panel 2: A shot of Vespid smiling.
MR. VESPID: I'm not done living, yet.
Panel 3: An inset shot of the golden pistol falling to the floor.
Panel 4: Slanted shot of Mr. Vespid walking away, one of the few things still in-tact as far as clothing is his yellow and black scarf which is fluttering wildly on the air.
NARRATION CAPTION: He hated his child for his faults and at the same time he hated him for things other loved him for. Selflessness, sense of discovery and bravery.
TITLE:
The Marvelous Mr. Vespid
home / sick / of home
INSERT CREDITS UNDERNEATH TITLE
