Post by Decoy Elite on Oct 23, 2010 11:04:53 GMT -5
Hello and welcome, I’m Decoy Elite and this is The Rant. Today’s subject Doom the Movie.
Yup, I’m tired of reviewing shitty games, so I decided to review a shitty movie based off of a game. But hey, how bad could it be? I mean it has the Rock in it and it’s based on Doom, the game with the most awesome plot ever. Hell is on Mars and it’s up to one pissed off marine to take it down. How badly could they flark that up? The answer…..a lot.
First off, there’s going to be spoilers (because I don’t care about ruining the ending of a shitty movie) so if you want to watch this sack of shit yourself don’t read this. Anyway, Doom the movie is awful, just horrible. I mean, you have the Rock in it and he’s not the lead. What the shit? The Rock is one of those actors that needs to be an action movie lead. It’s like having Arnold in Terminator and having him be the villain………bad example. Basically The Rock plays a shitty villains, he’s a one dimensional evil soldier in this and really he just does an all around shitty job. He’s just evil for the sake of being evil and it’s obvious that his heart’s not in it. It’s just bad to watch his “face heel turn” and his villainous logic is borderline retarded.
But the Rock is actually one of the better aspects of this movie(I know, that’s flarked up), no where this movie really drops the ball is the plot. Yeah, the flarked up the plot to Doom. HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!? Well here’s how, they 1)took away the Demons, 2)added DNA zombie crap instead, and the worst thing I’ve ever seen 3)made the claim that people are either genetically good or evil. Holy shit, words fail me here, who thought of this? Who thought this was a good idea? So it turns out people are evil because they kill and shit, no, it’s because of genetics. Do I even need to say anything else about this movie’s plot at this point!? No, which good because there really isn’t anything else.
The action in this movie is mediocre at best. It’s just kind of boring, with zombie rush fights you’ve seen hundreds of times before. The only really good scene is the first person shoot scene, but that begs the question, if I wanted to watch someone play Doom why don’t I just Youtube someone playing flarking Doom?!? I mean, if your flarking best action scene can be emulated by any idiot who posts on Youtube then it’s time to throw in the towel. The effects are actually nice, but honestly the game has better effects so it doesn’t feel special here at all.
Overall this garbage is a 2 out of 5 at best. Watch it if you’re bored and it’s on TV, but besides that avoid it as much as possible. It’s not the worst, but it’s still bad.
Yup, I’m tired of reviewing shitty games, so I decided to review a shitty movie based off of a game. But hey, how bad could it be? I mean it has the Rock in it and it’s based on Doom, the game with the most awesome plot ever. Hell is on Mars and it’s up to one pissed off marine to take it down. How badly could they flark that up? The answer…..a lot.
First off, there’s going to be spoilers (because I don’t care about ruining the ending of a shitty movie) so if you want to watch this sack of shit yourself don’t read this. Anyway, Doom the movie is awful, just horrible. I mean, you have the Rock in it and he’s not the lead. What the shit? The Rock is one of those actors that needs to be an action movie lead. It’s like having Arnold in Terminator and having him be the villain………bad example. Basically The Rock plays a shitty villains, he’s a one dimensional evil soldier in this and really he just does an all around shitty job. He’s just evil for the sake of being evil and it’s obvious that his heart’s not in it. It’s just bad to watch his “face heel turn” and his villainous logic is borderline retarded.
But the Rock is actually one of the better aspects of this movie(I know, that’s flarked up), no where this movie really drops the ball is the plot. Yeah, the flarked up the plot to Doom. HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!? Well here’s how, they 1)took away the Demons, 2)added DNA zombie crap instead, and the worst thing I’ve ever seen 3)made the claim that people are either genetically good or evil. Holy shit, words fail me here, who thought of this? Who thought this was a good idea? So it turns out people are evil because they kill and shit, no, it’s because of genetics. Do I even need to say anything else about this movie’s plot at this point!? No, which good because there really isn’t anything else.
The action in this movie is mediocre at best. It’s just kind of boring, with zombie rush fights you’ve seen hundreds of times before. The only really good scene is the first person shoot scene, but that begs the question, if I wanted to watch someone play Doom why don’t I just Youtube someone playing flarking Doom?!? I mean, if your flarking best action scene can be emulated by any idiot who posts on Youtube then it’s time to throw in the towel. The effects are actually nice, but honestly the game has better effects so it doesn’t feel special here at all.
Overall this garbage is a 2 out of 5 at best. Watch it if you’re bored and it’s on TV, but besides that avoid it as much as possible. It’s not the worst, but it’s still bad.
