Post by Decoy Elite on Oct 21, 2010 20:56:51 GMT -5
Hello this Decoy and I’m trying a new method of reviewing, this time I’ll review the comic while I read it!
And now I have this rant.
Alright, Pax Romana #1, the cover looks nice enough the backgrounds a looks a little like they vomited all over the cover but besides that no real complaints. The comic opens with two guys at the Vatican, at least that’s what the comic says. Truthfully it looks more like they’re standing next to a wall covered in brownish vomit; hidden inside this vomit seems to be a man who the other two (who seem to be ancient soldiers of some sort) are talking to. The guy introduces himself as the Gene Pope, I’m not sure what’s the difference between a Gene Pope and a regular Pope is but hopefully that will be explained latter. Next we’re given a huge two page spread that has the word “Pax” in the background which is of course a splatter of brown yellow vomit again, there’s also this kid who I assume is the child version of the main character.
After this is another two page spread but this time it’s full of random jumbled images and text boxes. Somewhere in all this jumbled crap it explains what a Gene Pope is, apparently a Gene Pope is and I quote “It is genetically engineered from the DNA of 1026 holy men and women. Upon natural, accidental, or intentional death, the new Pope is created petri-in-invtro and regrown at an accelerated rate in a synthetic uterus. The Gene Pope serves as the main storage vessel for all data contained in the Secret Archives of the Vatican. It is the living embodiment of the church.” So it turns out that Robo Pope(yes I’m calling him that) is crowning the kid emperor because the kid’s father, the emperor, was killed and everyone who could become the emperor is either exiled or imprisoned. The Robo Pope begins to tell the kid a story which he claims no one but himself and the emperor know. I just want to mention that at this point that the art is getting even worse; it’s some kind of weird brown Sin City shading style with no backgrounds.
I’m greeted at the next page with another fucking 2 page spread; this is fucking annoying because there are no real panels in these spreads so I have to take a moment to figure out just when everything in the panel is happening. At this point there’s still no background but at least there’s some colors other than white and brown so there’s some hope yet. This page seems to some guy talking to some scientists about the possibility of time travel, at least that’s what I think it’s about, it’s hard to tell because the fucking set up is just plain ape shit and there’s no panels, just random squires with random people’s faces. This conversation is taking place in Vatican City is well, but in the year 2053! Amazing! Not the time period, I just saw a building which is awesome for this comic to actually fucking have. So it turns out the guy’s working for the church and that no one knows of the new time travel breakthrough.
The next page is, you guessed it, another 2 page spread. This one seems to be a conversation between two people, one is Beppi (seen on the last page talking about time travel) and the other is the Pope. The whole conversation takes place in kinda sort of not really panels which is a step up for this comic. The Pope says he’ll think about if they’re going to use time travel, but it seems not likely.
The next page is another fucking two 2 page spread because these assholes clearly made this comic that way to piss me off. This page is filled to the brim with fucking text conversations about what to do with time travel, it’s just a little picture in the corner and the rest is fucking text and white space. This is fucking retarded. Okay every other page after this except the last is a fucking two page spread so I’m just going to summarize the plot and point out what pisses me off. They decide to send Beppi into the past with some other guys to…fix stuff I guess. Beppi goes on his own little recruiting crusade where he picks a rag tag group of soldiers for his team. So Beppi and his team are all sent to the past in one horrible garbled piece of shit of a two page spread. The land in the past where it’s revealed they’re going to try and “fix” the past with guns and explosives…great.
Beppi gives a big speech to some random people about bringing hope and all that and then is promptly shot 4 times…yeah. The comic ends with the general (the first person Beppi enlisted) revealed as the shooter he proclaims “We’ve got something more ambitious in mind” as his team stands behind him triumphantly.
THIS COMIC SUCKS! The art is horrible, the story is retarded and you learn so little about the main characters that you’re not sure who the fuck the main character even is! The whole premise is a pile of dog shit for fucks sake! Time traveling Catholics trying to conquer the past? Honestly? That’s fucking retarded. If you want a comic that’s made of shitty two page spreads, has no real background, and overall sucks ass then by all means look into this comic.
And now I have this rant.
Alright, Pax Romana #1, the cover looks nice enough the backgrounds a looks a little like they vomited all over the cover but besides that no real complaints. The comic opens with two guys at the Vatican, at least that’s what the comic says. Truthfully it looks more like they’re standing next to a wall covered in brownish vomit; hidden inside this vomit seems to be a man who the other two (who seem to be ancient soldiers of some sort) are talking to. The guy introduces himself as the Gene Pope, I’m not sure what’s the difference between a Gene Pope and a regular Pope is but hopefully that will be explained latter. Next we’re given a huge two page spread that has the word “Pax” in the background which is of course a splatter of brown yellow vomit again, there’s also this kid who I assume is the child version of the main character.
After this is another two page spread but this time it’s full of random jumbled images and text boxes. Somewhere in all this jumbled crap it explains what a Gene Pope is, apparently a Gene Pope is and I quote “It is genetically engineered from the DNA of 1026 holy men and women. Upon natural, accidental, or intentional death, the new Pope is created petri-in-invtro and regrown at an accelerated rate in a synthetic uterus. The Gene Pope serves as the main storage vessel for all data contained in the Secret Archives of the Vatican. It is the living embodiment of the church.” So it turns out that Robo Pope(yes I’m calling him that) is crowning the kid emperor because the kid’s father, the emperor, was killed and everyone who could become the emperor is either exiled or imprisoned. The Robo Pope begins to tell the kid a story which he claims no one but himself and the emperor know. I just want to mention that at this point that the art is getting even worse; it’s some kind of weird brown Sin City shading style with no backgrounds.
I’m greeted at the next page with another fucking 2 page spread; this is fucking annoying because there are no real panels in these spreads so I have to take a moment to figure out just when everything in the panel is happening. At this point there’s still no background but at least there’s some colors other than white and brown so there’s some hope yet. This page seems to some guy talking to some scientists about the possibility of time travel, at least that’s what I think it’s about, it’s hard to tell because the fucking set up is just plain ape shit and there’s no panels, just random squires with random people’s faces. This conversation is taking place in Vatican City is well, but in the year 2053! Amazing! Not the time period, I just saw a building which is awesome for this comic to actually fucking have. So it turns out the guy’s working for the church and that no one knows of the new time travel breakthrough.
The next page is, you guessed it, another 2 page spread. This one seems to be a conversation between two people, one is Beppi (seen on the last page talking about time travel) and the other is the Pope. The whole conversation takes place in kinda sort of not really panels which is a step up for this comic. The Pope says he’ll think about if they’re going to use time travel, but it seems not likely.
The next page is another fucking two 2 page spread because these assholes clearly made this comic that way to piss me off. This page is filled to the brim with fucking text conversations about what to do with time travel, it’s just a little picture in the corner and the rest is fucking text and white space. This is fucking retarded. Okay every other page after this except the last is a fucking two page spread so I’m just going to summarize the plot and point out what pisses me off. They decide to send Beppi into the past with some other guys to…fix stuff I guess. Beppi goes on his own little recruiting crusade where he picks a rag tag group of soldiers for his team. So Beppi and his team are all sent to the past in one horrible garbled piece of shit of a two page spread. The land in the past where it’s revealed they’re going to try and “fix” the past with guns and explosives…great.
Beppi gives a big speech to some random people about bringing hope and all that and then is promptly shot 4 times…yeah. The comic ends with the general (the first person Beppi enlisted) revealed as the shooter he proclaims “We’ve got something more ambitious in mind” as his team stands behind him triumphantly.
THIS COMIC SUCKS! The art is horrible, the story is retarded and you learn so little about the main characters that you’re not sure who the fuck the main character even is! The whole premise is a pile of dog shit for fucks sake! Time traveling Catholics trying to conquer the past? Honestly? That’s fucking retarded. If you want a comic that’s made of shitty two page spreads, has no real background, and overall sucks ass then by all means look into this comic.
