Beatboks
Team Buster Ledger
Posts: 2,206
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Post by Beatboks on Jan 12, 2012 10:18:04 GMT -5
I complain about kids nearly every time I leave my house. I hate today's youth. But I think that would change if people could control their little bastards these days. If I did half the shit that kids do now, I would have developed calluses on my cheeks and ass from all the slaps I would have gotten. I see a real big issue with this. this type of ban produces the types of kid's that these people are complaining about. Not only that it turns them into adults who have no idea how to behave correctly socially. Yes Erik as you know I am a father. Since my eldest daughter was born we have made it a policy to go out to dinner as a family together at least once a month. I'll grant it hasn't always been that regular, and it used to be more. As a result of that my 5 year old daughter and my 3 year old son behave better in restaurants than many children I've seen of more advanced years. I can recall when my daughter was only 3 1/2 her actually asking me to dance when the musician started to play, just as I've watched her try to teach her younger brother how to correctly hold his hand behind her as they danced. There was even a time when she'd just turned 4 that while out to a regular restaurant we go to on a week night (we usually went on weekends) she asked the waiter where the music was. I received the comment SO many times about how well behaved my children are. To be honest my daughter is only ever likely to play up if she's passing a shoe store and seen some shoes that we're not purchasing for her ( Emelda Markos eat your heart out). But that is also easily dealt with, we ask her if she wants the shoes or what she's been saving for ( which recently is a year pass to Dreamworld theme park). Some times she'll say I'll wait a little longer for that others she'll pass up on what she wants. I would like to believe that my children's social nature is due to the fact that my kid's have experienced social activity since birth and know how to behave. The first time we went out to dinner with my in-laws kid's we were shocked by the behavior of their kids. they were loud and rowdy while my two sat quietly at the table until after dinner and only joined the "noise" after they had asked to be excused. At the time I was mortified by the behavior they then exhibited (having never seen it from them before) but they stopped quickly. Since those in-laws have moved nearer to us and have come out with us more often, they (except maybe 1) have learned how to behave and are much better in that type of setting. So for me I'd say that having no such ban and actually encouraging parents to dine with children would more effectively deal with the type of issues your describing. /rant
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Beatboks
Team Buster Ledger
Posts: 2,206
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Post by Beatboks on Jan 12, 2012 10:44:35 GMT -5
Parents that have shitty kids are almost always at fault. I'd like to briefly address this line. My little bot (the one who's 3 1/2) is for the most part a perfectly good little boy. 90% of the time a perfect child, who always does exactly what is asked when it's asked and offers help. there was/ is that 10% where he would have tantrums where he would fixate on something and not even be able to get it out. We were concerned that he suffered from a compulsive disorder or something like that and had him assessed (and also went to parent counseling). The psychologist who assessed him when watching him at kindy said that he's a perfectly well behaved little boy who socializes well when he has to but for the most part prefers to do his own thing. She also said that based on the questionnaire that both my wife and I and the Kindy teacher filled out that the Kindy teacher found him the same way. In her opinion the issue was therefore the environment at home. Not that we were doing anything wrong per se, but that our own anxieties were becoming our sons. because he saw himself as a good little boy he wanted to do what ever it took to be good. Since my wife is a neurotic cleaner (vacuums daily if not twice, nothing can be left out of place for long etc) he want ed to be that. eery toy had to be put back exactly where he got it from. We have given him a self image of being a good child and apparently set very high standards for a little boy to achieve to maintain that, which is creating a level of stress or anxiety for him at home that he doesn't have anywhere else. Similarly because we have given our daughter a self image of being smart (I swear the little b%ger has a photographic memory she never forgets a thing ans is very quick to throw your own words back at you - even if they were from 6 months to 2 years ago). So she debates and negotiates quite well with us to show us how smart she is. So you see sometimes that fault of the parent is simply because they set too high a standard as well
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Post by Erik-El on Feb 27, 2012 21:35:58 GMT -5
Parents that have shitty kids are almost always at fault. I'd like to briefly address this line. My little bot (the one who's 3 1/2) is for the most part a perfectly good little boy. 90% of the time a perfect child, who always does exactly what is asked when it's asked and offers help. there was/ is that 10% where he would have tantrums where he would fixate on something and not even be able to get it out. We were concerned that he suffered from a compulsive disorder or something like that and had him assessed (and also went to parent counseling). The psychologist who assessed him when watching him at kindy said that he's a perfectly well behaved little boy who socializes well when he has to but for the most part prefers to do his own thing. She also said that based on the questionnaire that both my wife and I and the Kindy teacher filled out that the Kindy teacher found him the same way. In her opinion the issue was therefore the environment at home. Not that we were doing anything wrong per se, but that our own anxieties were becoming our sons. because he saw himself as a good little boy he wanted to do what ever it took to be good. Since my wife is a neurotic cleaner (vacuums daily if not twice, nothing can be left out of place for long etc) he want ed to be that. eery toy had to be put back exactly where he got it from. We have given him a self image of being a good child and apparently set very high standards for a little boy to achieve to maintain that, which is creating a level of stress or anxiety for him at home that he doesn't have anywhere else. Similarly because we have given our daughter a self image of being smart (I swear the little b%ger has a photographic memory she never forgets a thing ans is very quick to throw your own words back at you - even if they were from 6 months to 2 years ago). So she debates and negotiates quite well with us to show us how smart she is. So you see sometimes that fault of the parent is simply because they set too high a standard as well Does not seem like your kids are a problem at all. There is a difference (and anyone on an online forum should know this) between debating and arguing. In fact, high standards for children SHOULD be what all parents strive for. Obviously there are parents that take it way too far, such as pageant moms and football dads for example. Mediocrity, laziness, entitlement and other shitty behavior should be moderated out of children by parents. Creativity, class, ambition and other positive behaviors are the duties of the parent to instill into their children and that really should go without saying.
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Beatboks
Team Buster Ledger
Posts: 2,206
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Post by Beatboks on Feb 28, 2012 8:02:37 GMT -5
Just for the record, we almost never lay a hand on our kid's. When one of them does something that we feel is inappropriate, I always call my kid's aside for a "Talk". I prefer to explain to them what it is they have done that is wrong and why and ask them if they understand - or how they would feel if it was done for me. Fro the record, both my kid's hate having a "talk" with daddy, the head drops and they react the react as if their world just ended. The times I loose my temper and raise my voice ( I'm 182 cm tall and have a very deep voice) their reactions of absolute terror has absolutely shocked me (particularly considering I never hit them- the wife does on rare occasion). Their reactions of fear are sometimes so intense from me raising my voice I I saw it I would suspect I was a child abuser. It makes me feel pretty bad to think I can have that sort of affect on my kids (and fell like a poor excuse for a father). The child psychologist just said it's the booming voice of mine and my "imposing" size)
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