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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:13:35 GMT -5
Have you guys ever been really awesome friends with someone, and you never tell yourself that you would fall for them, then you do? If you have been in that situation before, any advise?
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Post by Erik-El on Apr 8, 2011 19:16:54 GMT -5
Yes. Tell them right away.
The longer you hide something like that, the worse off you will be. He/she might end up dating someone else which will hurt you and obviously make you jealous, which will make you look like an idiot.
So say it right away. Then you can either bask in your awesome new relationship or you can start the moving on right away without the months (or years) of regret for not saying anything until it was too late.
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Post by Crom-Cruach on Apr 8, 2011 19:19:09 GMT -5
Have you guys ever been really awesome friends with someone, and you never tell yourself that you would fall for them, then you do? If you have been in that situation before, any advise? no, but I will echo that honesty and face to face open discussion is the best, if only to make sure both know where they stand. If this person then does not reciprocate those feelings well at least you spoke up. It will hurt at first, still in the long run it is best. |
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:21:01 GMT -5
Well, I did and she said she didn't want to ruin out friendship. What you need to know is that we are SUPER close and we basically know eberything about one another. She wants what I do, but is scared to ruin something that, honestly, is something that we can't lose.
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Post by Erik-El on Apr 8, 2011 19:23:41 GMT -5
Well, I did and she said she didn't want to ruin out friendship. What you need to know is that we are SUPER close and we basically know eberything about one another. She wants what I do, but is scared to ruin something that, honestly, is something that we can't lose. Not wanting to ruin the established friendship is usually "nice" for not interested. Move on. No matter what she meant by what she said, she is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. She is only interested in being your friend. |
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Post by Erik-El on Apr 8, 2011 19:26:47 GMT -5
If you press the issue, you will likely not have either.
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:27:03 GMT -5
And that is what I figured, but then she told someone else that she really wants something but is just too afraid. That person inevitably told me. I mean, I have four years with her because she is in Musical Theatre like I am. I am just wondering if I should act the same way with her, or give little signs to her that this make work out?
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Post by Erik-El on Apr 8, 2011 19:30:28 GMT -5
Gossip is worthless and is a great way to make things awkward when trying to act on it.
If there is any truth to what this someone said, your friend already knows how you feel and will either come to you or not.
Trying to press the issue might just drive her away. Just be her friend because that is what she told YOU that she wants.
I am guessing you are in high school?
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Post by Crom-Cruach on Apr 8, 2011 19:31:14 GMT -5
No don't press the issue, it will only lead to both being hurt and putting tension. Moving on is the best.
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:39:08 GMT -5
Actually, I am a Sophomore in College. I can help others with their problems, but when it comes to my own, I am worthless. I don't want to pressure this situation and that's what I have been doing. I know what the other part said was true because it was my best friend. I just hope that things move on. I mean, we are with each other ALL the time.
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Post by Crom-Cruach on Apr 8, 2011 19:40:37 GMT -5
I'm sorry to break this to you: but this will hurt and might do for a long time. But honesty is the only way out as well as an honest will to move on, believing happiness can be found elsewhere and taking the kick to the balls like a man.
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Post by Erik-El on Apr 8, 2011 19:44:03 GMT -5
If you cannot stand to be around her without being romantic with her, then you are not really as good of a friend to her as you thought you were anyway and should sever your ties with her or just stop pressing the issue.
Pressing the issue will make her tell you to STFU and possibly ditch you.
Eh. I was close on the rough estimate on the age then. Things like this do not usually happen the older you get. People worry too much about hurting one anothers feeling in their teens. Adults are too jaded for that sugar coating in a lot of cases. It is usually, a yes or a no and people move on or "move out" so to speak. Very uncomplicated.
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:44:26 GMT -5
I know you are right and that is what I have done. The friend zone blows sometime. But we make each other happy and that's all that matters.
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Post by Crom-Cruach on Apr 8, 2011 19:45:03 GMT -5
Eh. I was close on the rough estimate on the age then. Things like this do not usually happen the older you get. People worry too much about hurting one anothers feeling in their teens. Adults are too jaded for that sugar coating in a lot of cases. It is usually, a yes or a no and people move on or "move out" so to speak. Very uncomplicated. this is true, I'm complete unable to take bullshit and dancing around anymore of such issues for instance |
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Post by Crom-Cruach on Apr 8, 2011 19:47:20 GMT -5
But we make each other happy and that's all that matters. except if you keep hanging on this and move on, neither of you will make the other happy anymore. |
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:51:59 GMT -5
Well, thats just the thing, we help each other just get through the day. And that isn't even me saying that. That's her. I really wish you could experience what we have. She is the best friend that I have ever had and thats how I am for her. I am not some creep who is always with her. She wants me around just as much as I do.
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spoilsport
Team Buster Ledger
I'm not mean, I'm a thousand years old and I've just lost track of my moral code.
Posts: 2,020
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Post by spoilsport on Apr 8, 2011 19:52:50 GMT -5
Either tell them or man up and take it until it wears off. The only time I did this, I basically did the latter (it's a long story) and I'm glad now because in retrospect we both would have ended up hurting a lot more because we would have been a fucking terrible couple.
Though, I could just be saying that to keep myself sleeping at night; to ease the aching pain of the ever-constant "what if?" that encircles my brain in the long hours between hitting the mattress and rising out of the blankets like a phoenix rising from the ashes every goddamn morning.
I may have been drinking tonight
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:54:24 GMT -5
Either tell them or man up and take it until it wears off. The only time I did this, I basically did the latter (it's a long story) and I'm glad now because in retrospect we both would have ended up hurting a lot more because we would have been a fucking terrible couple. Though, I could just be saying that to keep myself sleeping at night; to ease the aching pain of the ever-constant "what if?" that encircles my brain in the long hours between hitting the mattress and rising out of the blankets like a phoenix rising from the ashes every goddamn morning. I may have been drinking tonight I get that. I just don't want to give up until I know for sure its not going to work and she is giving me both sides. |
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Post by Crom-Cruach on Apr 8, 2011 19:55:15 GMT -5
Well, thats just the thing, we help each other just get through the day. And that isn't even me saying that. That's her. I really wish you could experience what we have. She is the best friend that I have ever had and thats how I am for her. I am not some creep who is always with her. She wants me around just as much as I do. And again, if you don't move on and stay stuck on this. You will ruin it. I never fell in love with a best friend, not because I don't have very close friends. I do, we do help each other get through very difficult times. We have secrets that neither of us would ever reveal to others. But these friends are men and I'm heterosexual, so I will never fall in love with them. Anyway, my point if without moving on and if you keep on this, keep pressing and put tension. Then you will ruin that good relationship, and then it will hurt more. Things like this are part of growing up. And growing up sometime sucks, this is one of those instances. |
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Post by greenlantern555 on Apr 8, 2011 19:59:45 GMT -5
If I doesn't work out, I just can't lose her as the friend that i have now. I just need to stay what i am doing now and hope that she comes around.
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